Very Funny & True

• School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
  

• Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

• Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
• Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
• Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

• Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
• Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

• Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

• Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
• Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
• Father: A banker provided by nature. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
• Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

• Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
• Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
• Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

• Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
• Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
• Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
• Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
• Experience: The name men give to their mistakes. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
• Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death

Frederic Davis (Kean Inc.)

WHY LIFE INSURANCE..??

You think twice before taking the plunge into buying insurance. Is buying insurance a necessity now? Spending an 'extra' amount as premium at regular intervals where you do not see immediate benefits does not seem a necessity at the moment. May be later. Well you could be wrong. Buying Insurance cannot be compared with any other form of investment. Insurance gives you a life long benefit and the returns will definitely come but only when you need it the most i.e at the right time. Besides buying insurance early in life is one of the wise decisions you could take. Because the premium you would be paying would be comparatively lower.
Life insurance or life assurance is a contract between the policy owner and the insurer, where the insurer agrees to pay a sum of money upon the occurrence of the insured individual's or individuals' death. In return, the policy owner (or policy payer) agrees to pay a stipulated amount called a premium at regular intervals or in lump sums (so-called "paid up" insurance). There may be designs in some countries where: (Assets, Bills, and death expenses plus catering for after funeral expenses should be included in Policy Premium. Anyone whose assets equal more than the value of their primary residence should not be compensated beyond that value in case they cannot sell their house. In the case of those whose lost their spouse should be compensated also for one full year the wages of their spouse which would or should be included to avoid lawsuits.) However in the United States, the predominant form simply specifies a lump sum to be paid on the insured's demise.
The purpose of life insurance is to take care of your dependents. As such, it's an important part of your financial plan. How much life insurance do you need? Should you buy whole life or term? Is there a time when you don't need life insurance? This chapter will explain every aspect of a life insurance policy so you will be an educated consumer when you go shopping for one.
Insurance is not about how much more it can offer you when the stock market is at its peak. It may not be an attractive investment option. But weigh the pros and cons and consider how much more it offers at a small price. Most important of all it provides you with that unique sense of security that no other form of investment provides. It gives you a sense of financial support especially during that time of crisis irrespective of the fluctuations in the stock market. Insurance provides for your career goals right from your childhood years. If the earning member of the family is no more your child's educational needs will not suffer. In fact his higher education too will be provided for. You need not spend sleepless nights thinking about how to save for your child's marriage. Life Insurance will take care of that typical once-in-a-life-time spending on marriages.
As with most insurance policies, life insurance is a contract between the insurer and the policy owner (policyholder) whereby a benefit is paid to the designated Beneficiary (or Beneficiaries) if an insured event occurs which is covered by the policy. To be a life policy the insured event must be based upon life (or lives) of the people named in the policy.Insured events that may be covered include:death accidental death sickness Life policies are legal contracts and the terms of the contract describe the limitations of the insured events. Specific exclusions are often written into the contract to limit the liability of the insurer; for example claims relating to suicide (after 2 years suicide has to be paid in full)(in India after one year Suicide is covered), fraud, war, riot and civil commotion.Life based contracts tend to fall into two major categories:Protection policies - designed to provide a benefit in the event of specified event, typically a lump sum payment. A common form of this design is term insurance. Investment policies - where the main objective is to facilitate the growth of capital by regular or single premiums. Common forms (in the US anyway) are whole life, universal life and variable life policies.
If the earning member of the family is no more your child's educational needs will not suffer. In fact his higher education too will be provided for. You need not spend sleepless nights thinking about how to save for your child's marriage. Life Insurance will take care of that typical once-in-a-life-time spending on marriages. An accident or a disability may be devastating but an insurance policy can be of utmost support for the family during such times too. Besides it provides for additional benefits such as bonuses. You need not worry about your retirement years. The rising prices, taxes, and your lifestyle will be taken care of easily. And you can relax and spend your old age in comfort and peace. Life insurance today plays a major role in ones life at various stages. Considering the benefits it offers one cannot but give a thought to buying an insurance policy at the earliest.

Stock Market- A page from my personal diary !!!!

This piece of article is something that i have taken from my personal experience......
I am an MBA student from India. After doing my graduation in computer science, i was very much interested in doing a management course and thus entered into the field of business. As usual i was also exposed to many opportunities of investment and i learned the effects and defects of every openings in the sector. I am studying in a batch of 180 students, all having good intellectual knowledge and capabilities. Interacting with all of them, i got many ideas and thoughts... I also do maintain contacts with industry experts outside.
The interesting piece of the story starts with my getting interest to the Indian Stock Market.
The market was so bullish that each day it climbed up and up as if it was going up to the heaven. (Of course many investors also started dreaming heaven when the bullishness occurred..!!). As every normal person i was also struck ed with the idea- Why not Stock Market??
But mind it- i am not too foolish to jump into something that glitters (Because all that glitters is not gold). I kept on watching the movements in the stock market. When the News Paper came each day , i went for the business page to read the reviews. I kept on watching the Internet sites. Also i have taken an account from one of the famous brokers in India. I talked to the investors frequently to know their ideas. I also started analysing the portfolios and made me updated each day.
My mind advised me- 'wait......its not the right time for you.....be patient....something great awaits you...' . So i decided to wait. I thought 2007 will be the year of my entry to stock market. But it was not the right year. Also i didn't had enough pocket money to take a quicker decision.
But believe me- there is a right time for everything in life.
At last the day came........a day in 2008- the day that i waited for a long period of time, the day that i dreamed for long, the day of the investor in me. I got some pocket money and apart from that the market crashed to nearly 800 points a week back. So for a person who is in an entry level like me- it is the right time. One of my friends- who is a 'Great Investor' encouraged me to jump into it. He told to me- "Hey come on yaar.... you will not get such a time to jump.....come on.... "
What should i do- everything is right- I JUMPED- but the fall was into a deep sea.
I got my nose hit at the ground first. Then my chin and then my chest and my whole body banged into the floor. I am still lying in the floor hoping that some day or other i will get up. Did you get it??
The moment after i put my cash in the stock market- the whole market crashed and it crashed in a record break of over 1500 points the first day and above 2000 points in the second. Starting its fall from 22000 it reached a mark of 15000 causing crores of lose in the market. Never ever such an incident had happened in the economic history of India. No expert could have predicted such a lose in the market. Companies were in a worry. Investors thought like banging there heads on the wall. Indian government even extended their support to the investors.
They were all trying to find out the actual reason of this downfall. I am also in search for the actual reason behind the same. But i was so badly fractured that i don't even have the ability to wake up. But i believe - 'There is a right time for everything' (No other way of thinking right now!!)

Life Balance Sheet

Our Birth is our Opening Balance !
Our Death is our Closing Balance!
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behavior are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

Some very Good and Very bad things -

The most destructive habit......................Worry
The greatest Joy...............................Giving
The greatest loss................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work...............Helping others
The ugliest personality trait.............Selfishnesss
The most endangered species.........Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource...............Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"..........Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill........Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease............Excuses
The most powerful force in life..................Love The most dangerous pariah..................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer........The brain
The worst thing to be without................... Hope
The deadliest weapon.......................The tongue The two most power-filled words..............."I Can"
The greatest asset..............................Faith
The most worthless emotion..................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire......................SMILE!
The most prized possession................Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication.....Prayer
The most contagious spirit.................Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life..................GOD